No Minivan

- The little black snail died and polluted the tank and gave Simon (the Betta) a fungal infection. So I cleaned the tank thoroughly and added a little aquarium salt. Simon is quickly losing the white patches and getting back to his gorgeous green-blue color. Dyson (the large golden apple snail) didn’t care for all the commotion or the added salt so I moved him to the smaller tank. Now he’s sliming all over the place, but still moving about some. Hopefully after a few days of rest and separation, I can reunite them as healthy critters.

- The Kid starts school next week, entering the first grade. His teacher sent him the cutest postcard welcoming him to her class. I’m so hoping that this year goes more smoothly. The Kid’s behavior has improved this summer, but it’s just him and his brother most of the time, not an entire class of kids. So we’ll see how things go with the new teacher. He is sleeping better since his tonsils and adenoids came out, so there’s that, too. He’s also been working with Hubby on his writing and getting better all the time.

- The Kid is really into cartoons right now and starting to venture into territory I’d rather he didn’t go. I don’t mind Code Name Kids Next Door or Fanboy & Chum Chum, but when he starts getting into the more violent cartoons, I have a problem. I’m one of those weird Americans who would rather my kid see people get naked than people getting hurt/killed (not that we sit around with nudie movies on either, but you get my point). So we’ve told him that anything over a TV-Y rating, he has to ask mom or dad if he can watch. We try to keep an eye on what he’s watching, but it helps that he’s such an incredibly honest kid.

- Boo moved up to a big boy bed! Hubby’s folks had the head/foot boards that match the Kid’s, so we bought them a new frame for their mattresses and set up the matching bed for Boo (his mattress is nicer than ours!). He seems to be doing well with it. There was one rough night where he was up every hour or so, but he seems to have gotten over it. The worst part is that he’s a total wiggle worm at night and moves ALL OVER the bed. He’s already cracked his head on the headboard a time or two and somehow ended up on the floor this morning (if he fell out, he didn’t cry). It’s a happy and sad thought to think that we don’t have a use for the crib anymore, but our little Boo is 2 and a half.

- My job has been sucking lately. Only because I haven’t had much to do. Finally today I got to start a big project creating computer-based training for another girl in our greater department. I was SO happy to be doing CBTs again! Our boss has pigeon-holed us to the point that all I do is system administration for our training tracking system (when I’m not traveling) and my coworker was doing all the eLearning stuff. Lucky, for me, said coworker is busy with other project right now so he was more than happy to pass this one to me! I’m hoping this will help people see there is more to me than just being a system administrator.

- Went to a weekend crop last weekend and finished 22 pages. Not bad for me. Especially since I missed half of the first day when I was trapped in an airport trying to get back home. I’m about a year and a half behind on my scrapbooking right now so I was glad I got any time at all to get a few pages done and catch up with my Scrap Mafia girls. They are about the coolest bunch of ladies I’ve ever known. Even when we don’t talk for months, it’s like we were never apart.

- Speaking of women friends, apparently I need to remember who reads my blog and not be so rude to them on here. I would hope that folks would realize when I’m venting and just doing an emotional dump here, but I also realize that I use some strong words sometimes. So I’m sorry if I offended or angered anyone reading this.

- Speaking of reading, I am slowly but surely making my way through “The Girl Who Kicked The Hornet’s Nest”. This book is very hard for me to get into. I really liked the first two, but this one is slow going and not really keeping my attention. Hopefully, I’ll finish it soon so I can start the new Patricia Briggs werewolf book.

Sometimes people just really piss me off.

I don’t know if it was the dose of Lex.a.pro I missed or the fact that I’m on the rag or that I was recovery from jet lag (just returned from the Netherlands) or a combination of all of the above, but I have been cranky as all get out for the last few days. And the one thing that was really eating at me was that it looked like my husband had not planned anything for our wedding anniversary (Before you jump on your high horse, I plan everything else in our lives. And I mean EVERYTHING. It’s not unreasonable that I expect him to plan our anniversary and Valentine’s Day dates). It was last week (June 30th) and since I was out of town, we just exchanged emails to commemorate the day. I thought I would come home to dinner plans or at least a card. I had picked up a very romantic card at the Hallmark in the airport and had written a near paragraph of sweet nothings in it.

I came home to nothing. No card, no plans for dinner*, nothing. So obviously I was a little disappointed. The longer the weekend went on, the more disheartened I felt. Finally I posted a comment on Facebook, hoping for a little support for my girls. One of the moms from Hubby’s playgroup posts “”Aww, cut him a break. As the wife of someone who travels, it is exhausting being a part time single parent.”

To that, I say “FUCK YOU.” First of all, how lazy is she, that she’s too exhausted to pick up a card?!?. Secondly and most importantly, my husband knows exactly how much I appreciate him and what he does for our family (in fact, I wrote just that in his anniversary card!). And as someone on the other side of the fence, let me tell you just how stressful it is to be the sole breadwinner for a family of four. Let’s talk about how “exhausted” you’d be if your spouse lost his job and you had to be the one working 40+ hours for the financial support of your family, knowing that if you lost your job your family would be without food, clothing and electricity (or feeling completely ashamed to you ask your family/friends for financial help). And we all know it’s nice to get a break from the family now and then, but let’s consider the ‘joy’ of traveling away from your kids for 3 weeks straight, only coming home long enough to give your spouse a break before you hop on another plane, or spend 11 hours in an airport, sleeping on the floor (in a puddle no less), because another flight was canceled.

Instead of taking my kids to playgroup, I spend my days in front of a computer in a cubicle. Instead of tucking my kids in at night for the last 3 weeks, I could only talk to them online or on the phone. I don’t deny that being a full time parent is stressful, exhausting and sometimes downright irritating, but don’t think that a working spouse’s job isn’t just as stressful, exhausting and downright irritating. And definitely do not imply that I don’t appreciate what my husband does. I have the utmost respect for stay at home parents and I also know that I would take on that exhausting job in a heartbeat.

*Turns out there were plan for a dinner date next weekend, he just didn’t tell me until I complained. Apparently, in addition to making dental appoinments, teacher appointments and renewing the Zoo membership while I’m traveling around the world, I’m also supposed to be psychic.

Can someone explain this to me (other than – It’s Nashville!). How is advertising for a secular organization in any way “a slap in the face to the Nashvillians and the people who have a strong foundation and do so much good for this town”?

The advertising doesn’t say “Your God sucks!” It just says “Hey, you know if you don’t happen to be a religious person, you can find fellowship outside of a church.” How is that threatening to anyone? If your faith is shaky enough to be threatened by a bunch of people getting together for something other than a church service, you have more serious issues. It’s the same lame argument that gay marriage is somehow a threat to hetero marriage.

Contrary to popular belief, atheists and homos can do good things, too.

I apologize in advance for the length of this post and for being one of THOSE parents…

So it would appear that the Kid is “gifted”, in some form or fashion. We’ll need to do more testing to see if he fits the state definition. People who know the Kid are saying “Well, duh.” I’ve always known he’s very smart and above his age level academically, but I never really pushed the idea of slapping him with a label until he started school. Now I know the good a label can do.

The Kid has been having trouble at school. Basically, he has a monthly behavior calendar and every day he’s supposed to earn a stamp. The teacher had this card system where after a couple of warnings, he’d have to pull a colored card (green, orange and red). Once he got to red, he wouldn’t get a stamp and instead we’d see a code telling us what he’d done wrong (not listening, not following directions, etc). We tried everything that doesn’t constitute child abuse to try to get him to do what the teacher wanted at school. When he came home without a stamp, we took away TV, we took away computer use, we took away outside play, then we took away all of the above. We tried bribery. He still came home without a stamp.

The behavior didn’t improve and the Kid started complaining of tummy aches when it was time to go to school. I don’t want my kid to hate school when he’s only in Kindergarten! Then Hubby went up to school one day to help with the Fall Party for the class. He got to see the Kid’s behavior compared with the other kids and saw that the Kid’s behavior is not bad. There were other kids throwing furniture that had to be restrained. There were other kids with much worse and more uncontrollable behavior. The Kid is just annoying. He likes to talk and if he can’t talk, then he wants to hum or make some other repetitive noise. He’s a perfectionist and has no problem with correcting an adult or pointing out to the teacher that another student is doing something wrong. He’s easily frustrated, overly excitable and very emotional.

We’ve tried talking to the teacher about challenging him more and her answer is having him get 1st grade books from the school library and having him work on some reading comprehension with 4th graders. That’s great, but that only happens a small fraction of the day. He still comes home with worksheets on identifying letters and small sight words. At home he reads “Captain Underpants” and other chapter books. He’s a little beyond learning his ABCs. So I called the principal to ask what his options are. Basically, they don’t skip grades in our district. The teacher is expected to provide an education at that child’s level, no matter the level. That’s all well and good, but with 20 some students, is she really going to personalize the lesson for each child? That’s a ridiculous expectation. Especially in this age of No Child Left Behind, where we dumb everything down for the lowest common denominator so schools can pass standardized tests.

So I did a little hunting on the district website and found the phone number for the district director of the gifted program. We played a little phone tag, but she lead me to the teacher for the gifted class in our area. It was amazing to talk to her. She didn’t make me feel like “Oh here’s another parent who thinks her little crotchfruit is the next Einstein”. She knew just what we were experiencing and was very helpful. She told us about his test scores on a test we didn’t even know he had taken! The NNAT is apparently a first step in identifying gifted children. The Kid scored in the 99th percentile for 5 year olds. That means he scored better than 99% of kids his age. The gifted program teacher is sending us the paperwork for further testing, but she said that based on that score, it’s pretty much a guarantee that he’ll be invited into the gifted program. And the Kid’s regular Kindergarten teacher didn’t even bother to tell us about the test or the scores.

Which is why Hubby and I are meeting with the regular teacher, the principal and the gifted program teacher Wednesday to discuss our options. I don’t really care about the label of “gifted”. They could call him “not entirely stupid kid” for all I care as along as he gets the education he deserves. I want someone who understands his needs and is willing to make the most of his inquisitive little mind. The gifted program teacher UNDERSTOOD and wanted to be an advocate for the Kid. That’s the teacher he needs.

You know who I really don’t like? People who have no problem with making someone else feel stupid or uncomfortable. This is why I can’t watch shows like The Office. Because watching someone make an ass of themselves and say stupid things makes me feel incredibly uncomfortable on their behalf. I know it’s supposed to be funny, especially as an outside observer, but I guess I’ve just said too many stupid things in my life to find it funny.

I’m a friendly person. I like to crack a little joke more often than not when I talk to people. It may not be fall down funny, but for frak’s sake, at least give it a lame chuckle and move on. Do not make me feel like I’m a total dumbass for trying to be funny. This is why everyone is so grumpy and hates each other. This is why we have self-check out lanes and a drive-thru for everything under the sun. No one wants to have to talk to someone and risk being treated poorly by some jerk who left his sense of humor at home, next to his common decency and tact.

Be nice to each other, people.

So who honestly fell for that whole Balloon Boy thing? Doesn’t anyone watch Mythbusters? It would take a lot more than some tin foil and helium to get a 6 year old off the ground.

In my not so humble opinion, any parents who rent out their kids purely for their own attention should have their kids taken away and themselves permanently sterilized. The kid was PUKING on national television. He’s clearly upset about the whole thing. Yet the jerk father kept parading the whole family out for every interview.

Well, it looks like the parents are getting plenty of attention, just not the kind they had in mind. Which is exactly what they deserve.

I was reading Entertainment Weekly during my morning constitutional the other day and I noticed this costume in an ad for 80stees.com:

From the product description: “Freddy Krueger may have lived in a boiler room, but this sexy Freddy costume is hot!” Is it just me or is there something wrong with a young girl dressing up as the “sexy” version of a pedophile who was burned alive in a slasher movie?

Hope your Halloween was a “cut” above!
Welcome to NaBloPoMo!

There’s a problem with the dad in the playgroup. The problem isn’t with him, it’s with me.

For those of you just tuning in, my Hubby is a stay at home dad and the token male in a large local playgroup. These ladies graciously let a dad into their ranks starting the summer of 2007 (thanks in large part to Dana’s response to this post, which the playgroup organizer read and then contacted Hubby to join). Since then he’s been extremely active in the group, taking the boys to various playgroup activities several times a week. He’s EXTREMELY active on their message board and I bitch daily about the time he spends on that damn pink website. He’s also been participating in the adult events – sans kids: making meals at Time for Dinner and hanging out at the bar or on someone’s patio for “Mom’s Night Out”.

Now, let me preface this gripe session by saying that I trust my husband implicitly. I’m not worried that he’s cheating on me in any form or fashion. Mostly, I’m jealous of him.

Even though I’m the mom and the group is called “Blah Blah Moms” (Blah Blah is obviously not the real name), I’m not allowed to get an account on the website. He complains that if I joined they’d just talk to me and not him. I am allowed to attend certain activities, but only for things that either A) don’t interest him (like the Twilight party) or B) would make him uncomfortable (like the sex toy party).

Since I’m not really a part of the playgroup, being a working mom, and since I’m not “allowed” on the message board, I’m not privvy to most of what these ladies talk about. Plus, I have to consider the fact that they work with my husband pretty much every day. At the aforementioned sex toy party, I clearly could not share any information about our bedroom goings on. While they giggled and gabbed about their sexploitations, I had to keep my mouth shut for fear of embarrassing all of us. Imagine your spouse telling your coworkers about your sex life. How well do you think that would go over?

The icing on the cake was last weekend. I heard that the playgroup moms were holding a Mom Prom. The story behind it was that one of the mom’s had never gone to her high school prom and was now moving to California. As a goodbye, they were giving her a prom. Everyone would dress up, dance to the 90’s greatest hits and eat St. Louis delicacies (toasted ravioli, Imo’s pizza, Ted Drewe’s custard, etc). At the yard sale I took part in last weekend, one of the mom’s asked me if I’d like to join them. I was downright excited about a fun mom’s night out for a mom (me) who very rarely gets out.

(This part of the story is disputed, but this is my blog so you get my version.) I called Hubby to make sure we didn’t have any plans that night and he tells me that he was planning to go. Obviously, I’m pissed because #1 – It’s called Mom Prom, not Mom and Hubby Prom and #2 – Did you catch the part about my being a mom who rarely gets out?

Then Hubby shows up at the yard sale and says he’s not going and that he never said he was going (clearly we had a “miscommunication” – AKA he wasn’t really listening to me). Unfortunately, one of the other playgroup mom’s overhears us and says that Hubby HAS to go and he has to be Prom King and so one and so forth. Hubby, of course, concedes to being the token male. So guess who will be at home watching the kids while Hubby goes to Mom Prom?

Now, of course, one would think that we could attend such an event together. Some would even think it’s rather odd for a man to attend events such as these without his wife. Two reasons I’m not going: #1 I’ve already been told by one mom that it would be “really weird” to have a husband and wife on the board; I can only assume they feel they same way about events that aren’t explicitly couple-friendly. #2 Hubby never once suggested we get a babysitter and attend together. He would, of course, defend himself by saying that I didn’t suggest getting a sitter either, but I would expect that if he really wanted me there he would have said so.

But, like I said at the beginning, the problem lies with me. I’m incredibly jealous. I wish every day that I had a close-knit circle of friends. I wish that I could develop the kinds of friendships some of these women have with each other. But it’s not right for me to butt in on my husband’s support group. It’s not his fault that I’m 32 years old and haven’t figured out how to make and keep close friends.

I don’t begrudge my husband his support group. Being a stay at home parent (SAHP) is hard and stressful and something only another SAHP truly understands. We’re just in a gender role reversal that makes things like this complicated. My husband and I have not only switched the gender roles of SAHP and breadwinner, but over the last few years we’ve also switched the personality roles of social butterfly and introvert.

I’m sure this isn’t the last time my feelings will be hurt because he has a better social life than I do.

Sometimes you just need a little perspective…

Today has been a no good day. It started with the Kid waking us up at 4am because he had a bad dream and didn’t want to go back to bed. So I got ready for work, kissed the family goodbye and got about 5 blocks from my house when I realized that I’d left my laptop on the couch. After getting said laptop, I get almost to the highway and realize I am completely out of gas. So I stop and fiill up. Then I realize that my gas door is on the OTHER SIDE of my new car. So I drive around the gas station to get to the correct side of the car. I finally make it to work (after dealing with the usual craptastic traffic) and I proceed to lock my keys, my purse and everything else inside the car. Completely embarrassed for being a total idiot, I have to wait in the lobby for an hour for Hubby to come out and bring me my key. What took hubby so long? Well, in addition to having to get both kids ready and out the door, he also got a speeding ticket on the way out to my work. Once I finally got to my desk, I proceeded to spill coffee on my off-white shirt. What else could go wrong today?!

Then I found out from a friend that over 50 people are being laid off from my former employer. Luckily, she’s not one of them, but a lot of other people I know are. If I was still there, it could have been me. So even though my day seems very very bad, it could have been a lot worse.